Resilience is the ability to bounce back when things get tough. It means rolling with the punches, brainstorming helpful solutions to problems, and believing in ourselves wholeheartedly. For many of us, it’s a skill learned in childhood. When given proper support, children can become curious, capable, and independent. Let’s explore what a resilient child looks like, and what happens when resilience is lacking.
What happens when a child isn’t resilient?
When a child lacks resilience, they may:
- Struggle to cope with challenges and failure
- Feel helplessness/hopeless
- Give up easily when they experience difficulty
- Feel overwhelming stress and anxiety during tough situations
- Have trouble adapting to change
- Avoid new experiences out of fear
- Struggle to express and manage emotions
- Overly rely on others for problem-solving and decision-making
- Have low self-esteem and self-confidence.
- Struggle to make and keep healthy relationships.
- Struggle with self-improvement
Many things may cause a child to be less resilient, like an unstable living environment, poor child-caregiver relationships, exposure to violence, poverty, etc.
What is a resilient child?
On the other hand, resilient children:
R
- Recover quickly from setbacks
- Reframe challenges as opportunities
- Rally strength in tough situations
- Retain a positive outlook
- Refuse to be defeated by difficulties
E
- Embrace change
- Embody adaptability and flexibility
- Explore new possibilities with enthusiasm and courage
- Emphasize the positive potential in new adventures
- Evolve with life’s changes, even when faced with challenges
S
- Seek help when things get tough
- Show vulnerability and express emotions
- Strengthen their support system with family and friends
- Support others when they need it
- Strive for healthy relationships with themselves and others
I
- Intrinsically feel motivated to overcome obstacles
- Inherently belief in their own abilities to deal with challenges
- Internalize resilience as a core value
- Invest in building their inner strength and self-esteem
- Inspire others with their perseverance
L
- Learn valuable lessons from their experiences, good and bad
- Look for opportunities to grow from adversity
- Listen to feedback from others
- Lead by example through self-reflection and improvement
- Look beyond setbacks
I
- Independently search for solutions to their problems
- Identify strategies that are logical and helpful
- Initiate and stick to a plan to solve their problems, making changes to their strategy, if needed
- Improve their ability to cope with tough times by building up knowledge and skills
- Inspire self-reliance in others
E
- Express feelings in a healthy, constructive way
- Encourage emotional communication with others
- Engage in helpful emotional regulation techniques
- Empathize with others’ emotions.
- Embrace all emotions, even the tough ones
N
- Navigate setbacks with optimism
- Never give up on their potential and capacity to improve
- Notice their progress, no matter how small
- Normalize setbacks as a part of the growth process
- Nurture a passion for continuous learning.
T
- Tenaciously pursue their goals
- Trust their ability to persevere
- Triumph over challenges through persistence and creative problem-solving
- Think about their goals and challenges as a slow, steady journey
- Try and try again without losing hope
Resilient children have a strong foundation for handling anything that comes their way. They eagerly explore the world around them, taking on challenges and solving problems. While some children may seem naturally more resilient, it’s a skill that can be learned. There are tons of resources to help nurture a child’s resilience, like the Is My Child Resilient Tool. Resilient children are independent, empathetic, optimistic, and rational. When encouraged, they can become well-adjusted, confident adults.