The buzzing energy at the start of a new year makes anything seem possible. We dream of a clean slate, full of potential.
Work out every day, learn a new language, quit smoking (cold turkey), etc.
Driven by the desire for total self-transformation, we might set very lofty resolutions, or too many of them.
The problem is that this type of goal setting is unrealistic.
As the year goes on and the demands of life happen, we often can’t stick to all of our resolutions.
This can make us feel like we’re failing, which can cause stress, shame, and guilt.
But we can avoid this emotional spiral by following a few mindful tips.
The origin of the New Year’s resolution
The tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions is thought to have started in ancient Mesopotamia during the Akitu festival.
This ethno-religious festival was a celebration of the first day of the Babylonian year. This was during the month of Nisannu (called Nisan in the present-day Hebrew calendar), typically during March-April.
Akitu was the celebration of the planting of barley. It included a statue processions, a feast, the crowning (and slapping) of a new king, and worship of a god named Marduk.
Some believe the festival was an annual opportunity for communities to discuss plans for the upcoming year to advance society.
During Akitu, people promised their gods that they’d pay existing debts and return borrowed items.
Keeping this promise meant the gods would bless them all year. Failure to do so meant the gods would show them no favor.
While modern-day resolutions aren’t typically religious, this custom laid the foundation for our modern day traditions.
A mindful approach to resolutions
1. Consider personal values
Instead of creating vague resolutions, we should consider why we want to do them. Specifically, we should understand how they relate to our personal values.
E.g., we resolve to go to the gym five days per week.
The reason behind this goal is unclear. All we know is that if we go to the gym, we’re successful. If we don’t, we’ve failed.
Now, let’s consider the personal values attached to this goal: staying physically fit so we can be independent and strong.
Here, our core values are independence and strength. Identifying them significantly expands our options for attaining them.
There are tons of ways we can prioritize building these traits, even when we can’t go to the gym.
This shifts the focus from a narrow definition of success to one that works for us.
2. Be realistic
Building habits takes time. There’s a debate on exactly how long it takes: a popular study suggests 18 to 254 days with an average of 66 days.
That’s to say, human behavior doesn’t change overnight. Expecting instant results is unfair to ourselves.
While dreaming big about self-improvement is amazing, we should set small, achievable goals.
Trying to go to the gym five days per week might be difficult at first. A lack of time, physical readiness and mental energy make it likely that we’ll burn out or get hurt. Then, we’ll end up discouraged and stop trying completely.
Instead, we can aim for once per week. After we’ve made it a routine, we can add another day each week, and so on.
Accomplishing small goals helps us build confidence, and lets us lay the foundation for healthy growth. This encourages us to keep going.
Additionally, it’s a good idea to work on one resolution at a time, so we don’t get overwhelmed.
3. Don’t set resolutions
There are no rules requiring us to set New Year’s resolutions. It’s perfectly acceptable to opt out.
Regardless of the reason, if our resolutions bring more stress than motivation, it might be wise to reconsider if they’re necessary.
It takes courage and self-reflection skills to admit that we’re unable to take on a new challenge.
In this case, perhaps the only resolution we need is to be more gentle and understanding to ourselves.
Summary
Personal improvement is an admirable goal. But intense, self-inflicted pressure isn’t the way to do it.
In fact, our resolutions don’t need to be labor-intensive and super serious. They can be as simple as:
- Trying a new international food each month
- Playing more often (sports, dancing, telling jokes, laughing)
- Learning to rest (taking naps, saying no to invites, scheduling alone time)
- Reading less news
- Saying, “I love you” to ourselves every day
Regardless, before setting resolutions, we should consider our values, expectations, and availability.
And if we can’t do them, that’s okay. New Year’s resolutions are a bonus, not a requirement.
Just making it to another year is good enough.
Sources
https://www.encyclopedia.com/environment/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/akitu